Do you smell a whiff of impeachment in the air? Hopefully, yes. Mainly for the sake of the republic, but also because it means that you’re enjoying our Impeachment-Scented Candle!
Studies have shown that it’s often the anticipation of an event, rather than the event itself, that brings you happiness. And that’s why we’ve created the Impeachment-Scented Candle. It offers a flicker of hope for when you need it. And, for days when you need more than just a flicker of hope, the lid features a spinner with ideas for actual, small steps you can take toward making America great again (but, you know, for real this time).
In reality, an impeachment probably smells like printer toner and sweaty congressional interns sprinting around Capitol Hill. But that’s not what this candle smells like. What DOES it smell like? We’ll give you a hint: It combines two scents that you can spell with the letters in the word “impeachment.” But which two? Peach and mint? Catnip and cement? Paint and mice? You’ll just have to buy it to find out!
P.S. Life is short and time is precious. So we want to help folks avoid wasting time sending us angry messages about this candle by providing our answers in advance.
Q: Why don’t you have an anti-Hillary or anti-Obama candle for people who aren't Democrats?
A: This is the most common question we get. The short answer is that we dislike Trump much more than any other U.S. president. Except maybe Andrew Johnson. And we doubt an Anti-Andrew Johnson candle would sell very well. (But I mean, if you’re interested in buying Anti-Andrew Johnson candles, let’s talk.)
Q: You should make an Obama/Hillary-scented candle, I bet it would smell like something disgusting.
A: YOU should make it. Making candles is pretty easy!
Q: Politics has no place in business.
A: We disagree. But for what it’s worth, we are just barely a business.
Q: We had an election to decide who our president would be, and Donald Trump won. It is not healthy for a democracy if the opposition party always tries to impeach whenever the election doesn’t go their way.
A: We agree! We don’t think presidents should be impeached simply because we disagree with their political views, or because they aren’t good at the job. But just because impeachment is almost always inappropriate doesn’t mean it’s never appropriate.
Q: Impeachment feels like a deus ex machina fantasy that liberal people are foolishly and counterproductively pinning their hopes on. Do you really think there’s any chance of it happening?
A: Not with the GOP in control of Congress. And that’s a painful thing for us to think, because one of us is a former GOP congressional staffer, and we have several GOP congressional staffer friends. But with few exceptions, Republicans in Congress have shown very little inclination to put country above party when it comes to Trump. We think he could confess in the State of the Union address to being a deep cover Russian spy, and they still wouldn’t impeach him. (Sorry, that’s kind of a bummer to end on!)