The Wax Frisbee
Sick and tired of traditional frisbees because they are literally the worst thing in the entire world?
Introducing...the WAX FRISBEE!!(?)! If you have frisbee-related problems, WAX FRISBEE is the solution.
The problem:
Frisbees fly too far, and thus risk crossing over into the next crew’s turf and provoking a gang war (or worse!)
The solution:
WAX FRISBEE! The wax frisbee is...oh, let’s just say it is five times heavier than a regular frisbee. Actually, let’s say ten times. Ten times heavier! If you are big and powerful enough the throw this into an adjacent neighborhood, then you don’t have to worry about losing a gang war. (Unless the other gang has weapons.)
The problem:
Frisbees are odorless.
The solution:
WAX FRISBEE! The wax frisbee smells like our Justin Trudeau-Scented Candle, because it was produced during a failed attempt to make Justin Trudeau-Scented Candles.
Why would you want your frisbee to be scented? Just picture it: the next time you’re at a black tie society gala, and your date leans in, lips brushing your ear, and whispers “Do you smell like...maple syrup?” you can say “Yeah, I rubbed a wax frisbee on my neck. Happy anniversary.”
The problem:
Frisbees are durable. What if your frisbee starts telepathically ordering you to do bad things, like “Throw me at that guy over there!” When this happens, your choices are to destroy the frisbee or eventually succumb to its demands. And good luck destroying a high-quality polyetylene frisbee!
The solution:
WAX FRISBEE! At the first hint of trouble, heat up a butter knife in the microwave and carve up the wax frisbee. (Microwaving a butter knife will destroy your microwave and probably start a kitchen fire. But it’s either that or risk getting shot by the secret service after they see you throw a heavy wax frisbee at the president.)
The problem:
Frisbees are not flammable. You would think that frisbees are the perfect tool for an arsonist’s toolkit. But in fact, frisbees can only serve as an “accelerant” if you stand over the fire and use them to fan it.
The solution:
WAX FRISBEE! Because the wax frisbee is made from candle wax, you can use it to make candles, which are flammable. (Making candles is not rocket science, folks. You’ll figure it out as you go along. Just don’t forget the wick!)
The problem:
Throwing a traditional frisbee makes you look clumsy and uncoordinated, because you don’t really know how to throw a frisbee.
The solution:
WAX FRISBEE! No one can throw a heavy disk of wax well. So when someone is watching you throw it around the park, instead of thinking “Ha ha, what a poor throw,” they’ll be thinking “What is taking the police so long?”
The problem:
Frisbees have a high melting point. Sure, you can melt them in your oven. But if you want to melt them on your car’s dashboard, or on your home’s roof, good luck, bub!
The solution:
WAX FRISBEE! The wax frisbee has a melting point of 111 degrees fahrenheit. If it gets stuck on your roof, then when summer arrives it will melt, flow into your downspout, and re-harden where none of your neighbors can see it.
The problem:
Frisbees are inedible.
The solution:
WAX FRISBEE! Soy wax isn’t the most edible thing in the world, but it is more edible than polyethylene. So if you’re stranded on a desert island with nothing to eat but a wax frisbee, and the guy stranded with you has nothing but a regular frisbee, he will starve first and then you can eat him.
The problem:
Frisbees are not red. Did you ever notice that it’s illegal for stores to carry red frisbees? Don’t you think it’s a little weird that you never noticed it?
The solution:
The wax frisbee is red. Live a little, with a red wax frisbee.