There are a lot of things you can mail to people that say, “Oh man, I think you really messed up this year.” But many, unlike this candle, cost more than $14.
Our lump-of-coal-candle is modeled after a real lump of coal that we bought online (where did people buy coal before the internet??) It has a faint woodsmoke scent, because people told us it should have a scent. And it will burn for approximately 90 minutes, which may or may not be similar to the burn time of a real lump of coal. (We didn’t try burning any coal while designing this candle, because of the so-called “Earth.”)
Just pick one of our pre-written gift messages, or type in your own, if you think you can write a better one than us. (Good luck!)
Finally, please keep in mind that we thought about calling this a “coaldle” instead of a lump-of-coal candle. So when the person you bought it for says, “umm, thanks?” you can say, “you’re welcome, it’s a coaldle.”
P.S. Here’s a tip: Why not really drive the point home by filling their entire stocking with a couple dozen lump-of-coal candles???