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Defective Candle

Defective Candle

$1,000.00 USD
$1,000.00 USD
Sale Sold out
Shipping calculated at checkout.
Are you looking for a one-of-a-kind gift? Something to give that person in your life who already has everything? And something that may appreciate in value over time? Look no further than the Defective Candle. 

Sometimes, when it’s the holiday season and amateur candlemakers have to make hundreds and hundreds of candles with no break in an increasing state of sleep-deprivation and wax fume-intoxication, mistakes are made. And so it was with this candle, whose metal wick-holder collapsed into the molten wax, dragging the wick down with it like a captain who refuses to abandon his ship as it slips beneath the white, waxy waves. 

As a literate person with access to the internet, you’re probably familiar with the famous “Inverted Jenny” U.S. postage stamp depicting an upside-down airplane. While planes can, in fact, fly upside-down, this particular stamp was a printing defect. Because so few were released before the postal service realized its error and the postmaster general executed the drunken stampsmith who was responsible, the stamps are extremely valuable. They sell for hundreds of thousands of dollars each, because only about a hundred were released. In contrast, we’re only releasing ONE of our defective candles. One! There’s really no telling what will happen to its value in the years to come. 

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “I actually don’t think the candle is worth anything—it’s just an unusable, unfinished, broken candle.” But we say that value is subjective. Candles have no inherent value, but rather, their value is ascribed by human thought and action. And if you pay us $1,000 for this candle, then quite evidently, its value is $1,000. And if it’s worth $1,000 to you, who knows how much it might be worth to someone else, when you auction it off in a few years? A billion dollars? A trillion dollars? There is literally no limit to how high numbers can go.
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Customer Reviews

Based on 21 reviews
86%
(18)
5%
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10%
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J
John Galt
Should be banana scented

Anyone who bought this is an impressionable boob who believes in the tooth fairy and that Bitcoin is something valuable because someone else, who did no research, thought it was valuable. Consider doing something more cosmic with that $1,000 burning a hole in your pocket, like buying 25 1oz silver coins, starting an investment account for a child, or feeding the homeless at your local shelter. It will be immensely and instantly more satisfying and won’t take up shelf space gathering dust as yet another piece of crap that sucked on your misguided sense of “cool”. If you still think this is a good idea, consider buying a banana and duct tape, which will be far more valuable in your mind. (Research this last comment if you don’t understand it).

User picture
B
Big Andy
Great mouth feel

10 / 10 mouth feel with a toothsome texture that tickles my dentin.

M
Ms Gooberschnarf
i sold my soul to the devil for this

you heard me. This wasnt easy to obtain.

B
Bob Demon
yummm

I can still smell the souls of the children that had to "disappear" to get this candle, but even now with a bloody candle in hand I shall now be SADISFIEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
(Jkjk I will never be satisfied)

C
Customer
mmmm

yummy wax

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